The Unsexy Equation

Q: Dear Shlomo, I was reading this article in the Times today about how scientists have shown “your evolutionarily endowed sense of approximation is related to how good you are at formal math.” Many people believe that a facility for formal math is related to how socially awkward you are. Does this not mean people with a good sense of approximation are less likely to get laid? If so then an above average score on this test makes you unlikely to get laid. Sincerely, REDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM

A: REDUCTIO, this is fascinating. Let me get this straight: A is a good sense of approximation and B is a facility for formal math. C is a high level of social awkwardness and D is likelihood of getting laid. You are basically asking if A implies B and B implies C and C implies D, does A imply D? That is a nice example of a Transitive Relation. You sure do have a knack for formal math! I leave it to you, the reader, to draw what conclusions you will from this.

Free Time is Worth Something

Q: Dear Schlomo, my laptop turns on when the lid is closed and off when open. My husband says he isn't surprised becuase it's the same with me and his lids. How can I remedy this? Politely yours, TWO TO TOGGLE, Maine.

A: TWO TO TOGGLE, I'm not sure if you are asking for help with your laptop or your husband. Are you sure you aren't on to something good with this arrangement?

Steve Jobs is Mac-n on my Man

Q: Dear Shlomo, my boyfriend recently got a MacBook Pro. Now he can't stand to be away from it. He even takes it to bed with us. We rarely make love anymore. What can I do? Yours Truly, FEATURE ENVY, New Jersey

A: Dear FEATURE ENVY: Your problem is a common one. Were Freud around he might advise you to scan your man's hard disk for naked pictures of his mom. Though, now that we have the Internets, things are far more twisted than your basic Oedipus complex. What would Freud say about clown porn, or my Japanese-girls-in-big-shoes-stepping-in-bubble-gum fetish? Never mind.

My advice is to exploit your boyfriend's weakness! Mac fan boys clearly have a soft spot for simple marketing tricks. One technique you might use is 'product placement'. For example, to increase a MacFanboy's libido, write a blog entry connecting some new Apple technology to sex. A good entry would be, "The Multi-Touch Kama Sutra" which would describe wild sexual positions based on the various Apple multi-touch fingering techniques.

The more descriptive the better! After you blog it, you can manipulate your man's RSS reader to feature your post, then sit back and enjoy the ride as he tries out some multi-touch favorites on you:

• The good old "Pinch and Expand"
• The vigorous "Click, Drag and Lock"
• The very naughty "Secondary Click B"