Q: Dear Shlomo, the woman I plan to propose to is a theoretical physicist, but I can't find a suitable engagement ring. Gold and diamonds are so trite. I have a great idea for a ring though: a miniature cyclotron. Wouldn't a ring sized particle accelerator make a great engagement gift? Yours, MUSTER MARK, Colorado.
A: MUSTER MARK, the physics of marriage is not well understood. The least comprehensible aspect of it revolves around the proposal and gift of the ring. So, while I commend your creativity and desire to please, I recommend against mixing cutting edge theoretical physics and a proposal. Why just last week on Oprah I heard a leading researcher surmise that placing a particle traveling near the speed of light around a woman's finger in such an event would create a black hole that could consume the entire solar system. In the best case scenario it would merely wipe out your bank account.
Do yourself a favor and read up on this stuff. I think you will find it interesting. For example, the Clinton-Lewinsky conjecture, similar to a thought experiment by Schrödinger, states that a husband locked in a room with a woman who is not his wife is in the quantumly precarious position of being both adulterous and faithful at the same time. Not until the room is opened does he become one or the other. Sadly, even for the faithful husband there is no guarantee he will ever hear the end of such an experiment. This is due to the 2nd law of Spousal Dynamics: the conservation of guilt.
